Taking Back the Word "Spinster"

First of all, I have to apologize. I originally declared that I would let no more than seven days go by without posting on here, but alas, it has been more than a week. My exuse is that when I reached that seven-day mark our internet wasn't working, and after a day or two when it was finally working again I realized that I didn't really have anything constructive to say. So I figured, I'm already late on posting, so I'll just keep being late until I actually have something to say.

And I do have something to say today. Nothing profound, or deep, or even depressive. And there will be no literary comparisons today. But here's what I want to say:

I want to take back the word "spinster." Or maybe just redefine it. Being a spinster is considered a negative thing in today's society. I'm sure you've all played the card game "Old Maid" before--where the object is to make matches and pairs of all your cards, but if you end up with the ugly and unwanted Old Maid, who does not have a match, you lose. That says a lot right there. Or the fact that when you make yourself a bag of popcorn the kernels that are useless, that can't "pop," are referred to as "old maids." Well I looked up the word "spinster" on wikipedia, and the truth is, it has never been a positive word. The article began by talking about the original social stigma of being a spinster, and I quote: "...most stereotypes of spinsters are hostile. Other reputations are ugliness, frumpiness, depression, astringent moral virtue, and overly pious religious devotion. Spinsters have traditionally been accused of being overly fussy, of setting their standards too high — to the point of being unable to find a mate they are willing to accept."

Yikes.

The article then goes on to note the "improved status" of the term "spinster." And just how have spinsters improved? By becoming sexually liberated--they can have sex with whomever they want without being socially ostracized, they can pop out as many children as they like without a spouse, and they can do all this while still being hip and fashionable. Like the characters on the show Sex and the City (which I will admit to having watched about two times, and was not impressed at all). In fact, spinsters are expected to do these things. If they don't, there is something wrong with them.

Yikes again.

So either a spinster has to be an ugly, dowdy, strict, sexually repressed religious zealot, or she has to be hip, following all the latest fashions and trends, and definitely sexually active. I don't agree with or follow either of those descriptions, which is why I want to take back the word and redefine it. Why can't a girl be nice and normal, but not have sex and not have children out of wedlock? Why can't a spinster be a happy, successful woman who has complete control of her own body and does not rely on sexuality to make her feel accepted and normal?

Now I know a lot of people will not agree with me on this, and that's fine. I know my lifestyle, the LDS lifestyle, seems too strict for a lot of people. I'm not judging anyone else on how they choose to live their lives. I figure if they are doing whatever they do legally and responsibly (in all the senses of that word), it's not my place to say anything about it. I'm just saying that this is how I'm living my life, and the world shouldn't look on me negatively for it. What's wrong with being a virgin (which, by the way, is not and should not be considered a dirty word), or believing that children deserve to be raised by a mother and a father who love each other and are committed to each other through marriage? If that's what a spinster is, I don't mind being one.

Well in the end all of that is irrelevant. No matter what the reasons or circumstances, it is still apparently a negative thing to be a spinster. According to wikpedia, "...whatever their orientation, most unmarried, unpartnered feminists did not, and still do not, routinely identify as spinsters, preferring more common, and less freighted, terms such as 'single woman' or 'unmarried woman.'"

Blech, too many syllables. Spinster is just easier to say. And type. Why should I have to define myself as "single" or "unmarried?" That's why I want to take back the word "spinster." I am a spinster. I'm embracing it. I'm proud of it. There's no shame in it. There's no longer a negative stigma. I can do what I want, and it's okay. No one should judge me. I'm a Sweet Spinster (which, for anyone who didn't know, is a play-on-words with the term "sweet sister" that pops up in Mormon culture which also has a negative connotation and which I will blog about some other time for the benefit of those who have never heard the term before). So yes, I am a spinster, I'm going to be proud of it, and I'm not going to care what other people think.

That being said, I will still never own a cat.