Saying Good-Bye

I knew both of my grandfathers were dying. I just didn't know they'd do it at the same time.

One day apart, actually. But that is pretty darn close. Grandpa was the first. He's been sick for awhile now with cancer. All over his body. He was old, and the cancer was in every organ and system in his body, so he decided not to do chemotherapy because it wouldn't have done any good. He chose to spend the end of his life at home with his family. It was difficult to watch the disease progress. I mean, not counting the five years or so I was in Utah, I've been living in the same house as the man since I was three years old. He was always there. So it was difficult for us to see him get weaker and weaker, and it was difficult for him being in so much pain and not being able to do the things he used to do. But for whatever reason, going through this was something that the Lord wanted him to do, to learn from, and likewise, being observers of this ordeal was something the Lord wanted the rest of us to do. We may not understand right now, but He has some specific reasons for us to go through these trials, and we no that He won't give us anything we can't handle. But for the last few weeks Grandpa was really bad, and mostly just slept. He didn't eat, didn't talk. Sometimes I'd sit in his room while he slept. He couldn't be left alone. I would often peek in there on my way to and from the bathroom in the morning to see how he was. Yesterday when I went by he was really terrible, his breathing really labored. We'd been expecting him to pass on for a few days previously, and I felt like this would probably be it. So I went to work, and a few hours later he did pass away. My mom called me at work a little after that and they let me go home early. I wanted to be able to see him one last time because he had wanted to be cremated, which meant that once the funeral home people came to take him away we wouldn't see him again. So I went home and went up to his room. We had some private family time, and my parents, grandmother, and aunt dressed him in white clothing. I felt I'd rather watch them do it, but I did participate by buttoning his shirt and putting his white shoes on him. Then later in the evening the funeral home people came and took him away.

I was having a difficult time. Like I said, I'd lived with the man pretty much since I was three. It would be so weird knowing that he wasn't there anymore. I went to bed and felt sad, although not what you would call grief-stricken. I shed some tears, and I prayed that I would feel comforted. After all, I knew where he was, and I had a good idea of what he was doing at that very moment. But it was hard knowing that I wouldn't see him again in this life. So that's what I prayed for--comfort. The ability to feel okay and happy. And then I went to sleep.

And this morning, when I woke up, I wasn't sad anymore. I'm sure it will come and go. But I really didn't feel sad. I felt happy. Grandpa was happy and not suffering and doing the Lord's work. I was okay. The Lord very literally answered my prayer. I went to work in a pretty good mood, so amazed that the Lord had answered my prayer so literally and personally.

So I was working as a cashier today, and I looked up and saw my dad walk into the store. I thought this was weird, because I work at a Walmart in a different town from where I live, so my family doesn't shop there ever. He and my brother Justin came up to me and my dad asked if I was taking a break then. I said I'd be taking a break in a little while, and he said I really needed to take a break then. I looked at him and knew, and I said, "Why--did Bop die?" (Bop is what my siblings and I always called my grandfather in Idaho, for some strange reason which I still don't fully understand. It was just our silly little nickname for him.) He said yes, that Uncle Bill had called him just a little while before to tell him that their father had passed away.

Bop had been sick for a really long time, even longer than Grandpa. For several years. He just had a lot of medical problems that all combined to make him more and more feeble, and he also was suffering from Alzheimer's. I think he still knew who the people around him every day were, but he was really confused a lot. My grandmother died a year ago, and he got worse after that. The Alzheimer's prevented him from grieving properly, and he became bedridden and fatigued. Pretty much since my grandmother passed away last June, we've been expecting him to go at any time. We were surprised that he hung on as long as he did, at least I was. So I wasn't surprised to find out that he died, although I was surprised that it happened the day after my other grandfather died.

And you know what? I didn't really feel pain or sadness. The Lord had given me the comfort and the good feelings that I had asked for, and He still was. I was okay with this. Like with Grandpa, I knew where Bop was and had a pretty good idea of what he was doing. So I had to explain to my managers that I would need some time off, for Grandpa's memorial service and also to go to Idaho for Bop's funeral. And I think they all thought I was crazy or something because here I was, telling them that my grandpas had both just died, one yesterday and one today, and yet I wasn't distraught or crying. I was calm, happy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sad that I won't see them again for many years. But they both lived good, full lives, and they had more work that they needed to do that they couldn't do in the bodies they had. I guess I should warn you, I'm going to get preachy here. I normally try not to do that because I respect that other people have different ideas, thoughts, and opinions as me and hold to different belief systems. But there is a reason I feel happy today and don't really feel any pain or grief, why I am alright. And I'm going to tell you what it is. If you don't feel comfortable reading these things or would prefer not to for whatever reason, I completely understand. You can just skip to where I officially end the preaching. Although I would wish that everyone would at least consider what I have to say in the hopes that it might help them in some way someday.

I believe that God has laid out a specific way He wants his children to live their lives so that they might be happy and return to live with Him again someday. He has laid out his plan in the Holy Scriptures through His prophets, and since He is the same yesterday, today, and forever, He still speaks to us through prophets today. If we live true to these principles and teachings, we will reap the greater blessings. One of these blessings is called eternal marriage. God has said that the man should not live without the woman, neither the woman without the man, and that they should be united in marriage and raise families, to multiply and replenish the earth. But His plan also involved death--something that is difficult but also necessary for our progression. He did not want husbands and wives and children to be separated after they died, so He provided a way that they could be together forever. You may notice that in most modern wedding ceremonies, the couple makes their vows to eachother with the stipulation of "'Til death do you part" or "As long as you both shall live." I really believe that this is not the Lord's way. If the Lord wanted us to be united in so much love to one another, why would he take that away from us when we die? What would be the point of those feelings we had learned and cultivated? So He provided us with the ordinance of eternal marriage. Not 'til death do you part or as long as you both shall live, but forever. After you die, you can be with your spouse and children and parents and siblings again, for all generations. The hearts of the fathers will be turned to the children, and the hearts of the children will be turned to their fathers.

But we have to live worthy, righteous lives in order to attain this. Eternal life is a gift; everyone will be resurrected and receive it, regardless of how righteously they lived. But in order to gain exaltation and live with your own family again, you have to live the way God wants you to live, not the way the world tells you is acceptable. And if you are worthy of this, you can be married in a holy temple of God for time and all eternity. If you do this, not only is this marriage valid as long as you remain true to it on this earth, but it will also exist after we die. And any children who are born to you will be born into that covenant and be yours for eternity. How comforting that must be to parents who have lost a child, to know that they will be able to have them and raise them in the eternities!

My paternal grandparents, Moyle and Betty, were raised in families where they had this knowledge. When they were married in Idaho, the nearest LDS temple they could go at the time to was in Salt Lake City, which they could not afford to do. So they were married civilly at their church, and a few months later were able to go to the temple and be sealed together as husband and wife for all eternity. When children were born to them, those children were automatically sealed to them as well, and when they decided to open their hearts and homes to more children who were without parents by adopting, they took those children to the temple and had those children sealed to them. My dad was born into the covenant of their marriage and is therefore sealed to them.

My maternal grandparents, Ted and Carol, did not always know these truths. They were good Christians and lived good lives, but it wasn't until my mother was nineteen years old that their family finally learned the complete fulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ and what it could do for them if they embraced it. They were baptized, and later were able to go to the temple and have their marriage sealed for time and all eternity. My mother and aunt also embraced this truth and were sealed to them. And when my parents got married, they decided they wanted this blessing for themselves as well, so they were married in a temple of God, and my siblings and I were born into this covenant. Which means that we will be with them, and their parents, forever.

But what about people who died without ever having an opportunity to hear the gospel, let alone decide for themselves whether or not it was true? God has provided a way, through holy temple ordinances that date back to biblical times, for these people to also learn the truth and have an opportunity to decide whether or not to embrace it after they die. And we on earth can perform those ordinances for them in the temple. This is so wonderful to me! I mean, what happens to the person who is born in some part of the world, in a time and place where they never even hear the name of Jesus Christ and thus never even have an opportunity to know Him? How could a loving God banish these people to hell for the eternities? They will have the chance to learn and embrace these truths. But I count myself lucky to be one of the number who have learned and embraced these truths on earth. I know that Grandpa is with his earthly parents right now, because he went to the temple and had the ordinances done for them so that, if they chose to embrace the gospel in the eternities (which I think they did), they can be with him. He is with his grandparents, too, and other family members who have passed on. I know that's where he is, and he's greeting them. And I know that the Lord has an important work for him to do, and it won't be long before he is out there teaching those spirits who didn't have the chance to know the gospel on earth. And I know that Bop is with his beloved wife, and with his parents, and grandparents, and even his children and grandchildren who have passed on. They are having a wonderful reunion right now, and the angels in heaven will soon be buckling down with their singing under his tutelage. And this is why I am not in pain, or grief-stricken. I know where they are and what they are doing, and that it is all a part of God's plan, and that someday, I too will experience that.

*END OF PREACHING*

Well, what else can I say? Actually, I think the Muppets said it better. Yes, that's right, the Muppets. In my favorite Muppet movie, the whole Muppet gang sings this great song called "Saying Good-Bye," which I think sums up how I feel and how we all feel in these situations. Even though the song has nothing to do with death in the context of the movie, I still think it is applicable, and so I'd like to quote it here:


Saying goodbye, going away,
Seems like goodbye's such a hard thing to say.
Touching our hands, wondering why,
It's time for saying goodbye.

Saying goodbye, why is it sad?
Makes us remember the good times we've had.
Much more to say, foolish to try,
It's time for saying goodbye.

Don't want to leave, but we both know
Sometimes its better to go.

Somehow I know, we'll meet again,
Not sure quite where and I don't know just when.

You're in my heart, so until then
It's time for saying goodbye.

Somehow I know we'll meet again,
Not sure quite where and I don't know just when.
You're in my heart so until then--
Wanna smile,
Wanna cry,
Saying goodbye.


You know, today I couldn't help but wonder if Grandpa and Bop have happened to bump into each other in heaven. They didn't really know each other, although they had met before, and I can imagine them seing each other and being like, "Hey, wait a minute, is that....it is! Hey! You died? Me too! When did that happen? Really?? That's so crazy, I died the day after! Oh, what are those poor fools down there going to do trying to plan all this and deal with it? They must really be freaking out!" Okay, so maybe it won't go exactly like that, but it's fun to think about.

And so I just want to say in closing, I am okay. I'm secure in my knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ and what that means for myself and my family members, and the Lord has answered my prayers and given me this knowledge and comfort. My prayer now is that all of you may also feel that comfort in your lives when you need it most. Adieu.